From the Editor: From the wingnuts who gave you ‘safe spaces’, ‘everybody gets a trophy’ and who outlawed spanking- here’s just another milestone on the pathway to making our kids soft and androgenous wimps.
One year, to my parents’ dismay, I asked Santa for a Barbie Townhouse for Christmas. It was an odd request coming from a self-proclaimed tomboy who had completely absorbed the family mantra that girls could do anything that boys could do—and that did not include playing with pretty, curvy dolls that looked like ’70s Barbie.
But rather than disappoint me with subpar girl-power gifts under the tree, my parents decided that Santa would indeed bring me my Barbie Townhouse—as well as a Hot Wheels playset that I hadn’t asked for. I suppose the idea was to offset the “girly” gift with a “boyish” option. I loved them both, and it was the Best Christmas Ever.
Even though doing so ran counter to their ideals, my parents made sure I wasn’t disappointed that holiday. But this year, thanks to those supply chain issues we’ve all been reading about, a lot of kids will be facing disappointment when those must-have toys simply aren’t available. Bikes have been scarce all year (as they were at the Miami Walmart above), and experts predict that hot items like Lego sets and Razor scooters will soon be sold out.
That’s going to totally ruin your kid’s holiday, right? Well, experts aren’t so sure, acknowledging that it’s actually healthy for children to experience and deal with disappointment. “We hate to see our kids disappointed,” says Hunter Clarke-Fields, author of Raising Good Humans. “But we do our children a disservice when we try to protect them from all the uncomfortable feelings.”
So how do parents keep from doing that? No one’s recommending telling your kid to just get over it. Instead, be honest about what’s happening as early as you can. Here are some other ideas:
• Name those emotions. Experts say in order for children to deal with their feelings, it’s important for them to be able to put a name on them. Try adapting these other pandemic social-emotional learning ideas as well.
• Understand their disappointment. Usually it’s not the gift itself, but what the gift represents. For instance, a child might not care so much about not getting a bicycle, but he does care about not being able to ride with friends. Try taking a walk out in nature, which research shows might help children be more communicative.
• Practice soothing techniques. This helps calm kids in any stressful situation, and the more you practice, the better it works when something major happens. These DIY slimes and squishies can help squeeze the stress away.
This article about dealing with kids’ disappointment has more. And don’t worry. Being honest doesn’t mean explaining supply-chain challenges to a seven-year-old. Telling a child that Barbie and her Hot Wheels collection are stuck on a long boat ride will do just fine.
Illustration depicting a green roadsign with a disappointment concept. Blue sky background.